One Flesh

Have you ever caught yourself in a daze looking out the window when it’s raining? Or watching the water drip down the glass door of the shower? Or even anticipating the condensation as it gathers on a glass of iced tea? I find myself sometimes in awe as one droplet moves down a particular path until it combines with another droplet and the two then move together as one down the glass.

This is how I envision God’s description of the relationship of husband and wife in Genesis 2:24. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Becoming one flesh is like those two droplets flowing together to make the journey as one for the rest of their existence. Once they meet in the flow, there is no distinguishing one from the other. There is no separation. One is not stronger or better or more impressive than the other.

To take this analogy further, when those two drops form one, the new drop is bigger and more powerful than the two were separately, isn’t it? The same is true for a husband and wife who truly implement the idea of one flesh into their lives. They become a great force when they are bound together in Christ; a strong force that is extremely difficult to divide.

(Taken from Married to Jesus, Chapter 8, One Flesh)

The Character of Christ

What was Jesus like? What are the attributes we should be imitating? If we are to do everything in his name, what does that look like? As a fun and helpful exercise, I asked several people to give me single words that described Jesus. Think about that for a minute or two. What words pop into your head? Here are a few that came up:

Humble     Righteous      Selfless  
Obedient     Submissive     Trustworthy
Welcoming     Encourager      Example
Comforting     Redeemer      Eternal
Faithful     Loving      King
Amazing      Sacrifice      Savior
Perfect     Sinless      Patient
Forgiving     Merciful     Just
Kind    Complete     Compassionate
Holy     Honest      Infinite
Almighty     Omniscient     Leader
Teacher     Servant      Friend

Now, there are several here that I can mark off the list that I will never be. We’ve already established that I’m not perfect. I’m pretty sure I’m not omniscient, righteous or eternal. And, unless I buy an island somewhere and name myself supreme leader of that land, I’m fairly confident I will not be a king at any point in my lifetime.

But, what I can imitate are attributes like showing compassion and kindness, being humble and faithful. I can be honest, merciful and patient. I can strive to live a life of servanthood and sacrifice. Galatians 5:22-23 says, “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”

In Paul’s letter to the Colossians, he said:

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

These are the characteristics Jesus displayed in his years on earth. These are the characteristics we should be imitating in our daily lives.

Almost all these words that describe Jesus can be summed up in one word: Love. Jesus himself said, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

(Taken from Married to Jesus, Chapter 1, To Be Like Jesus)

The Dangerous Book for Boys

I received a great gift for Father’s Day this year…The Dangerous Book for Boys! Amazon.com has a great video that was put together about “How to Use The Dangerous Book for Boys” – it’s really funny! You’ll find out how to build a tree house, how to make the world’s best paper airplane, info on dinosaurs, trees and famous battles, as well as baseball MVPs and lots of other important “boy stuff.” I’ve only had it for a day, but I’d highly recommend this book!

Sacrificial Love

It’s very good to have friendship in your marriage and to experience a strong attraction and sexual relationship with your spouse. I believe most marriages have at least some of both. But Christ’s love for the church goes beyond this level of love. His love is a giving, sacrificing, selfless love. It is a love that shows itself in action.

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

Jesus loved and gave, not because we were attractive or shared some interest with him, but simply because he loved us. So he humbled himself, he gave up all his glory to serve us. This is the way we are to love our husbands or wives: Giving ourselves, dying to self, serving our spouse.

 (Taken from Chapter 3 of Married to Jesus, Greater Love)

Forgiveness: Essential to Marriage

You hear about it all the time, husbands and wives working through difficulties in their marriage. Whether it is a problem of money, lying, or any other issue, even a betrayal as great as adultery, when couples are committed to a long-term marriage, forgiveness is essential. We all make mistakes, and without true forgiveness offered to or received from our spouse, those mistakes will add up to a debt that none of us can ever repay.

Even at a time when forgiveness would be the last thing on any of our minds, Jesus said, as he hung on the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” As we strive to be like Christ in our marriage, how can we not forgive our spouse for whatever he or she has done? Is it an offense worse than murder? Jesus forgave the people who were killing him!

Have you ever gone to bed with something left unsettled? Either you need to ask for forgiveness from your spouse, or maybe you need to offer it? I often find myself thinking very selfishly in these instances. I think, “I didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t need to ask for forgiveness.” Or, “I can’t believe she said that. How could she have said that? She didn’t even say she was sorry!” And then I think, as I lay there not falling asleep, about what I should have done or said in response or how I’ll react the next time that situation comes up again.

And then something happens. Over the next few days, I start to get eaten up from inside. I begin to harbor resentment over something that was said. It boils up inside me. I start to relate it to other things going on, and it comes across in my attitude toward Anne and the kids. All this because I didn’t think I did anything wrong!

We need to humble ourselves before God and before our spouse. In order to be forgiven, we must forgive. And, in order to be forgiven, we must ask for forgiveness.

A friend of ours suggested a little tool to help instill the idea of forgiveness to our kids. I think the same concept applies to married couples. It’s not enough just to say, “I’m sorry.” We should take it a step further and say, “I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?” It takes the understanding of the situation to a whole other level. By asking for forgiveness, you are admitting that there is a need to be forgiven.

And, if we are the forgiver, we need to become more like Jesus as he said we must “forgive unconditionally anyone who asks for mercy.”

(Taken from Chapter 6 of Married to Jesus, Forgiveness is Key)

Wide, Long, High, Deep

You want to know how much we are supposed to love our spouse? Check out Ephesians 3:16-19 – can we “grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ”? What can I do today to show my wife this measure of love? What can you do? Go do it.

What it means to be a successful father…

I got this from an e-mail newsletter from FamilyLife.com today. I printed this off and put it in a place where I will see it every day!

What it means to be a successful father…

• A successful dad is gripped with responsibility to lead his family … called by God and given the ultimate task of being the leader of his family unit. He leads in a way that makes it easy for his family to follow.
• A successful dad is a manager … keeping his children under control, while helping them to anticipate and overcome the dangers of the culture (I Timothy 3:4).
• A successful dad is a minister to humanity … by being prayerfully dependent on God.
• Finally, a successful dad is a model to his family with godly skill in everyday living. Dad, you are to create in your children an ability to live life the way God intended for it to be lived.

What would it be like to be married to Jesus?

With all the Da Vinci Code stuff going around about Jesus being married, it brings up more than curiousity about whether or not that’s true – to me, it makes me think, “What would it be like to be married to Jesus?” Could you imagine being the wife of Jesus? That would have to be the luckiest wife in the world! To be loved beyond measure; to be put first in everything; to be honored, forgiven, lifted up, praised, supported, served…like no one has ever been before or would be after.

That’s how we’re supposed to treat our husband or wife today. Jesus was the perfect example to model our marriage after. Ephesians 5:21-33 explains it perfectly. If we strive to be more like Jesus in our marriage, the results will be awesome! I have seen, first-hand, the results of Jesus’ characteristics being applied to marriage. Anne and I don’t have a perfect marriage (I don’t know of anyone who does), but when we model Jesus, it can’t go wrong.