You hear about it all the time, husbands and wives working through difficulties in their marriage. Whether it is a problem of money, lying, or any other issue, even a betrayal as great as adultery, when couples are committed to a long-term marriage, forgiveness is essential. We all make mistakes, and without true forgiveness offered to or received from our spouse, those mistakes will add up to a debt that none of us can ever repay.
Even at a time when forgiveness would be the last thing on any of our minds, Jesus said, as he hung on the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” As we strive to be like Christ in our marriage, how can we not forgive our spouse for whatever he or she has done? Is it an offense worse than murder? Jesus forgave the people who were killing him!
Have you ever gone to bed with something left unsettled? Either you need to ask for forgiveness from your spouse, or maybe you need to offer it? I often find myself thinking very selfishly in these instances. I think, “I didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t need to ask for forgiveness.” Or, “I can’t believe she said that. How could she have said that? She didn’t even say she was sorry!” And then I think, as I lay there not falling asleep, about what I should have done or said in response or how I’ll react the next time that situation comes up again.
And then something happens. Over the next few days, I start to get eaten up from inside. I begin to harbor resentment over something that was said. It boils up inside me. I start to relate it to other things going on, and it comes across in my attitude toward Anne and the kids. All this because I didn’t think I did anything wrong!
We need to humble ourselves before God and before our spouse. In order to be forgiven, we must forgive. And, in order to be forgiven, we must ask for forgiveness.
A friend of ours suggested a little tool to help instill the idea of forgiveness to our kids. I think the same concept applies to married couples. It’s not enough just to say, “I’m sorry.” We should take it a step further and say, “I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?” It takes the understanding of the situation to a whole other level. By asking for forgiveness, you are admitting that there is a need to be forgiven.
And, if we are the forgiver, we need to become more like Jesus as he said we must “forgive unconditionally anyone who asks for mercy.”
(Taken from Chapter 6 of Married to Jesus, Forgiveness is Key)
