I teach a young married couples class at Hudson Community Chapel, and yesterday the topic was “Leave and Cleave” – stemming from Genesis 2:24 which says:
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”
In this passage, God is calling us to three things, in particular:
- Departure
- Permanence
- Oneness
Departure is pretty straightforward, but involves more than just “leaving” your parents’ home. It involves breaking from your parents emotionally and financially, as well. It’s amazing how many marriages have not made this departure official. Although they have left the home, they still depend on mom and dad for spiritual, emotional and financial support, as opposed to getting these key ingredients from husband or wife. It is crucial to break free from this emotional and financial connection to your parents, because until your husband or wife can truly count on you for 100% connection (not just 90-95%!), there will be something missing from your marriage.
When you become united with your spouse, it’s not just an experiment to see if it will work. You are dedicating yourself to your spouse and committing to God that you’re in this FOREVER…permanence! It’s amazing how little our society values permanence in marriage these days. Most weddings we hear about in the news involve two famous people coming together Hollywood style. Then, roughly a year or so later, that same couple is filing for divorce (if it lasts that long!). It is also shocking to find out that almost 50% of couples getting married today chose to live together first. This concept of living together may seem logical to many people…a chance to get to know each other better, discover the good and the bad before taking the real leap into marriage. But, studies show that couples who lived together prior to getting married are actually 46% more likely to get divorced than those who didn’t! 46% more likely! Want to know why? Because that is not the way God intended it to be. We are to be UNITED to a wife/husband, not a boyfriend or girlfriend.
And, finally, Genesis 2:24 tells us we are to “become one flesh.” The first two steps in this passage are more immediate; becoming one flesh is a process that takes time. When we join in the union of marriage, we are just starting out in this wonderful journey of becoming closer to each other and becoming more like Christ. It can be challenging if you come from different backgrounds, but if you allow God to craft your spouse into the person He wants him/her to be, you will see the results. Becoming “one” doesn’t mean becoming the same. It means being driven by the same goals, the same purpose, the same desire to be more like Christ in your life and marriage. It’s not easy. I can’t imaging asking a couple who has been married for 30, 40 or 50 years and them telling me it’s been a piece of cake! It takes work to become one. But the result is a stronger marriage, one based on that of Christ and His church. And, we become living examples to others around us when they see us exemplifying Christ in our marriage.
I have heard this verse from Genesis in just about every wedding I’ve attended, but looking at it more closely reveals some specifics about what God meant with these few words.
